Blog posts that provide encouragement for marriage and family success.

How Do We Know We Are Loved?

This might seem like a silly question. But surely we can all relate. We do something "loving" for someone but they don't even seem to know that we did anything.

At one time my husband and I were seeing a counselor (I highly recommend this if you are having any marital bumps). He asked us each to make a list answering the prompt, "When you do this....I feel loved." Please hear me - he wasn't saying "If you loved me you would do this..." Rather, he was helping us each to see what behaviors our spouse interprets as loving.

Believe it or not, my husband's top item was when I make sure he's awake for work! He works and sleeps odd hours so it can be tough for him to wake up. Every time I get frustrated that a grown man can't get himself out of bed to go to work I remember that this is his TOP item for loving behaviors. That makes it easier to go make sure he's getting ready for work.

I love to bake and that's one way I show people that I love them. Most people in my world know that's a sign of love, but I admit not everyone receives it that way. So there are two sides to showing love - how we show love but also how we receive love.

Gary Chapman has some great books on the ways we show love. He calls them Love Languages. The books are well written and easy to apply to our lives. Even better, there's scientific research supporting his findings. I'll give those resources below.

So what's the take-home?

It's NEVER too late to show someone you love them. If you don't know what your partner perceives as loving, ask! Valentine's Day may be over but your loved ones will love to be loved every day!


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The Original Five Love Languages can be found here. This forms the basis for all of Chapman's books. Again, there's scientific research to back up his findings, so that makes it even more appealing for me to recommend.

Here is the one for 5 Love Languages of Children.

Here is the 5 Love Languages of Men.

Here is 5 Love Languages of Teens. This one is close to my heart with two teens in my home right now. :-)

That's it for today! Chapman has other books but these are most relevant to today's discussion.